Mmm, Christmas....

... dontcha love it?! I'm always so totally lazy over Christmas (no change there, then!), apart from all the cooking, which I love anyway. Made a gluten-free Black Forest Gateau this year (thanks to Delia!) and the now-traditional tofu cheesecake, and we've got mince pies and Christmas cake and yule log and all manner of fancy biscuits and chocolates and toffee, but it's the cheese and pickles I'm more interested in. I LOVE Christmas dinner (sooooo many different things!!) and I also love cooking it, shutting myself away in the kitchen and getting on with it. The Daughter bought me a jar of Hibiscus flowers in syrup, which according to the label you are supposed to put into glasses of champagne, so I am going to have to start drinking that now, ALL the time! How dreadful. Anyway, here's my gateau.



The cat had the most marvelous Christmas too - we got her one of those fleece chairs that hangs on the radiator so she doesn't have to sit on the phone - and a catnip mouse, which we wrapped up and she unwrapped - that was funny.



Back to work tomorrow, with nothing whatsoever to do and no-one to talk to! The only reason I'm going is because I haven't enough holiday left to take the day off! It's going to be a looooooooong day! Still, Friday we're invited to a little party at our friends' house, and Saturday we've got my very best friend and her family coming over, and bringing my Mum with them. We'll be having Christmas dinner all over again!! Yay!! I did soya steak and mushrooms en croute yesterday, Saturday I'm doing sosmix in different flavours, baked in the oven. And there'll be other grown ups to sit round the table amidst the debris and chat after dinner!! That's almost my favourite bit...... we don't really do that - 4 hours to cook it and 20 minutes to eat it and everyone's gone!

Hmmm...

I don't seem to be writing much about BC or IE do I? Plenty of recipes. Ha ha, That says a lot I guess.

I did have a 'light bulb' moment today. I was eating my lunch, which was a (beautifully) poached egg on 2 slices of gluten free toast with marmite. I realised I was rushing through the egg white to get to the treat of the runny yolk. So I stopped, poked the yolk and made it run over my toast, and ate that first. Then I didn't need to eat the whole lot, and threw half a slice of toast and a bit of the white in the bin! So, a lesson (hopefully) learned there - eat the best bit first then I don't have to eat the rest if I don't want to! I am going to (try to) apply this principle to all my meals this week - wish me luck in even remembering!

Twice this week I've made tapioca pudding. I hadn't had it in years - probably since school! I made it on Thursday night and it was so popular I made it again last night. I did a double quantity and we're just reheating it as we want it. It gets thicker all the time so has to be thinned with more milk - so may very well last forever! It's divine with golden syrup!!!!

Thursday night I also made Lavender Shortbread from my new cookery book, The Scented Kitchen by Frances Bissell. I tweaked the recipe a bit to make it gluten free, so I believe it's OK for me to put it here as my own.

4oz butter

3oz sugar

about 2 dsp dried lavender, sold for teas, not for pot purr (try a herbalist)

5oz gluten free plain white flour mix

1oz polenta meal

Whizz the sugar and lavender in a mill or similar, or grind in a pestle and mortar to blend.

Cream the butter and most of the lavender sugar.

Stir in the sifted flour and polenta to form a stiff dough (add a sploosh of cold water if needed - I didn't need it)

Roll the dough out between 2 sheets of greaseproof paper as thin as you can.

Cut into shapes with a cutter.

Grease a baking sheet and lay the biscuits gently on it.

Bake for 20 - 30 minutes at Gas3/165 C/325 F, dusting with the remaining sugar 5 minutes before the end of the cooking time.

Remove and lay on a cooling rack to set properly.

The original recipe had 6oz plain flour, and you probably won't need the greaseproof with that. I'm going to use my version to make different flavour shortbreads, as The Husband thinks anything edible with flowers in is a crime against humanity!

Autumn Hafla 2007

Last Saturday night Boomshanka had their Autumn Halfa, which was totally wicked. Here are a couple of my photos from it.

Here's me, dressed up as a gypsy (I blame that Flake advert from the late 70s with the gypsy girl and the caravan!). I have ALWAYS wanted to do this!!

This is 'Tribal Crue' (the lovely Rosie and Monika) doing their first ever duet dance. They were awesomley good, dancing to Motley Crue (hence the name), which was fun.












Our Leader, the magnificent Ruth!!!















Here's me and my friend Catherine, eating some cake and watching the dancing. The food was wonderful. Everyone brought something with a middle eastern flavour to share. The best spread I'd seen in ages!

I have NOT photoshopped this picture (much!) - I'm always this glowy!!! And unlined!

Ginger Cake

I've just made my gluten free ginger cake again, and I wrote the recipe down this time!! So, here it is, and it is DELICIOUS!!!
(apologies to anyone who has a gas oven, I don't know the equivalent temperature)

Ginger Cake

180g butter
2tblsp black treacle or molasses
120g dark brown, molasses or muscovado sugar
50g caster sugar
75g ground almonds
150g polenta
2 tsp baking powder
1½ tsp xanthan gum
4 tsp ground ginger
3 eggs
1tblsp milk

Preheat the oven to 180º
Melt the butter, sugar and black treacle/molasses in a pan over a gentle heat.
Mix the ground almonds, polenta, baking powder, xanthan gum and ginger in a large bowl.
When the butter/sugar mix is completely melted, pour it into the dry ingredients and mix well (use a food processor or electric whisk if you like).
Add the eggs and beat all together well. Add the milk to soften the mixture and beat well again.
Grease a rectangular baking tin and line with greaseproof paper. Grease the paper.
Pour the mixture into the tin and bake for 30 mins.
Remove from the oven and turn out onto a cooling rack. Remove the paper.
Cut into squares when cool.

A Bit of a Do

No recipe today (Gosh! Is it that long since I blogged?!). We had Quorn sausages and mash for dinner today on account of a teensy hangover. I did make the most delicious gluten-free ginger cake the other week, and when I get my head round the recipe (I made it up and will probably have to make another in order to write down what I put in it – shame!!) I will post it, as it really was quite delicious!

Last night The Husband and I went to a very posh do indeed, at the Cutlers Hall here in Sheffield.
http://www.cutlers-hall-sheffield.co.uk/
It was Sheffield FC's 150th Birthday Gala dinner, with all sorts of luminaries from the world of football (in which I have no interest whatsoever!!), some politicos, lots of journos, business people, and us. The Husband coaches Sheffield FC Women’s team and also 2 of the girls’ teams. Tickets were, I believe, £150 a throw, though we got ours for nowt! We actually got a nice dinner for a change – being veggies (Husband is, I eat fish but not meat, and it’s easier to say veggie) we often feel short-changed (yes, even when we’ve not paid!) by the food offered at these sort of do’s. We had a vegetable terrine for starters, which was very tasty, and for the main course a flat mushroom filled with a puy lentil mixture and topped with goat’s cheese, with tomato sauce, and the veg and potatoes everyone else had with their roast beef. Pudding was a chocolate torte with caramel sauce and a couple of strawberries (isn’t it always?). I ate all my starter, cos I was dying of starvation by then as the whole thing had kicked off late and the speeches had gone on FOREVER! I left some main course though, cos I was getting full, and I left the base of the torte (we had asked for mine to be gluten-free, but I didn’t dare kick up a fuss over the pudding, cos they’d have taken it away and brought me a fruit salad, and then I’d have cried!). I felt quite pleased with myself. The coffee, as ever, was rubbish, which I mentioned to the lady sitting next to me and she said, yes, it’s always far too strong isn’t it? Wow!! I was just thinking it tasted like water!!! The wine was included, and I probably had several too many glasses of red (there was a glass of champagne on arrival, and we managed to ‘arrive’ twice, as The Husband had to go out for a fag so I went with him, just so I could go by the champers table again!). So today I’m feeling a little under the weather (was off work thank goodness!) and just wanted mashed potato ALL day! I have cried off Belly Dancing tonight even though I know I would probably have enjoyed it, cos I didn’t want to go out and do anything at all! Perhaps I’ll walk to work tomorrow instead.

Next Tuesday it’s my birthday (I’ll be 43 – that’s not right is it?!). Think we’ll have some friends round for a meal next Friday. I’m hoping to collect enough money for my birthday to buy a new ipod, as my old one needs the battery recharging every day now!

The Boy took some photos of us before we went out last night, me in my new frock and The Husband in his rented tux, but they aren’t very good. Or perhaps it’s us that aren’t!!

Cake

Well, this is a bit radical! At least it is to me. I’ve just made a cake in the microwave. I was sort of vaguely aware you could do this, and have seen microwaveable baking trays. But it had never really occurred to me to try it. But tonight I wanted to make a gluten-free fruit cake, low-sugar, to have for breakfasts with some soaked dried fruit and Greek yoghurt. I googled ‘gluten free fruit cake recipe’ and the first one I found was this microwave one. It’s soooo easy, and as you melt the butter, that makes it even easier. I’ve just tried it, and it’s lovely! I tweaked the recipe a bit to suit what I’ve got (it said 1kilo of dried fruit but I could only find about 500g, it said a tin of crushed pineapple, and I left that out altogether, and I added a lump of muscovado sugar, there was none at all in the recipe, but I thought that it might need it, what with not having the pineapple in). So, here it is:

Gluten-free Microwave Fruit Cake

500g dried fruit - matters not what sort I guess, I used raisins, goji berries (yeah, I know!) and chopped dates, simply cos that’s what I could find.
A good glug of orange flower water (or a few drops of orange essence and almond essence – I didn’t have those).
125g butter
A medium lump of muscovado sugar - about the size of a Cooks matchbox perhaps, I wasn’t really paying much attention.
1 tsp nutmeg (or a good grating)
2 tsp mixed spice (or whatever cake spices you fancy)
4 eggs
125g ground almonds
1 tsp xanthum gum
1 tsp bicarb
1 tsp cream of tartar
200g gluten free plain flour

Put the dried fruit and the orange flower water or essences in a bowl and add 2 tblsps water. Microwave on high for 5 minutes.
Melt the butter and the sugar.
Beat the eggs.
Mix everything together well in a big bowl.
Put some greaseproof paper in a big glass or pottery oven dish (I used a square lasagne dish) and dollop the cake mix in.
Wodge the top down as flat as poss, stand the dish on an upside down bowl in the microwave and cook on high for 15 minutes.
Remove and when it's a bit cooled, take it out and put it on a wire rack to finish cooling. Try not to eat it all while it’s still warm.

I am going to make some more microwave cakes; I’ll let you know how I get on. It’s all a bit 70’s – I’ll be fonduing next!!

I’m so fed up! I really don’t want to be on a diet ever again, I love not being on a diet. But I’ve put about 6lbs on since I stopped being on a diet, and now none of my trousers fit me. My jeans and most of my skirts are still OK. So, I said, I need some new work trousers. Perfect excuse for a shopping trip. Well, I spent 7 hours in Meadowhell last week, and tried on about 30+ different pairs of widelegged trousers in about 12 shops in sizes 12 and 14 (and several different lengths on occasion too) and NOT A SINGLE FUCKING PAIR FITTED ME!!!!!! I was so miserable by the time I came home, I was ready to either stuff myself stupid with chocolate or go on a mad crash diet.

I seem to be faced with a dilemma. I can either fatten myself into a size 14, or slim myself back into a 12. What would you do, dear reader? I am not, repeat NOT going to deliberately make myself a size 14!!!!! If it stays cold I can get away with tights and therefore skirts. Perhaps that is my best plan. I’m so down about this. So very down. Perhaps I need to focus on something else, which would be easier with some clothes to put on. I’m fighting with myself every day not to go back on a diet, just to lose a few pounds, just to get back in my trousers.

Anyway, here’s a recipe:

Smoky sausage, chickpea and cabbage soup.
In a big pan, sauté a chopped onion and then put in some chopped garlic, about 3 sliced carrots and about 4 smallish diced potatoes. Then put in a tin of chopped tomatoes and a litre and a half of water. Then put in about 8 runner beans, cut into small slices, and about 5 big leaves off a big leafy cabbage (mine was, apparently, a Hispi, which is dark green and crinkly; it matters not). Also a tin of chickpeas (just the chickpeas, not the tin). Then add 3 or 4 veggie sausages cut into slices (I used Lincolnshire, again, dunt matter, you could even use meat sausages if you must). Lastly add a teaspoon of smoked paprika (or ordinary, but not hot), a good shake of veg stock powder or 2 or 3 cubes, and a spicy element (chilli powder or that lazy chilli, or if, like me, you haven’t got any, a really good squirt of sweet chilli sauce from a plastic bottle). Alternatively you could use the hot paprika instead of chilli, and maybe some BBQ sauce for the smoky bit. S’up to you, and as I haven’t even finished cooking it and don’t know what it’s like yet, it’s all open to interpretation anyway. Smells lovely though!

Well, my weight had been creeping up a bit since my holiday, but I think it's stopped now. To be honest, I hadn't been trying very hard, and was still a bit in the holiday spirit as far as food was concerned. I feel like I've turned a little corner just recently though, possibly triggered by my horror at passing 10st again! I know that's not a very 'BC' thing to say, but I had made myself a promise that I wouldn't go over 10 ever again.

I'm still struggling with not eating everything on my plate. Not a problem so much at dinner time, as we generally have something that we serve ourselves from a big pan, so I can have a small portion to begin with. But at breakfast it's hard. I've been having greek yoghurt with fruit, honey and a handful of 'Eat Natural' cereal. It's so delicious, and it's breakfast and nutritious, so I'm saying to myself that it's OK to eat it all because it's the most important meal of the day etc. And perhaps it's true, but I need to learn to leave some food on my plate, and I won't learn it that way! The last couple of mornings though, I've tried harder to tune in, and have managed to leave some. Only a smidge, but it's a start.

I still haven't started working my way through the Guru Club stuff, which I started getting back in August before I went away. I need to spend an hour on Sunday looking over the 'tasks' for the first week, and get buckled down to it.

I'm having lunch with a friend tomorrow, looking forward to some nice fish cakes or something. Then Friday evening a few of us are going to the pub after work for a leaving drink and some food (there's a pattern here - can you spot it?). Saturday I've got my mum coming over, which means another lunch out, then in the evening we're going to friends' for dinner. I'm OK with that though, getting much better at leaving food in restaurants, and I've always felt OK about ordering starters for main or whatever. It's my own cooking I can't resist! I made the most delicious roasted veg with veggie sausages tonight! I had an organic box delivered today, soooo much veg!!! I put potatoes, onions, carrots, sweet potatoes, leeks, courgettes, peppers, garlic and olives in tonight. I had half a bottle of M&S red wine and rosemary marinade left over so I used that too, and some veg stock powder, and Tesco hot dog sausages, and it was bloody marvelous!! The Boy's just come back from the gym, and had a big bowl full and loved it. There's plenty left, so I'll tub some up for Friday's lunch.

Had a marvelous day in Manchester with BC Girls on Sunday. Got a lift from Meadowhell with the beautiful Mousie (the less said about her pranging her car the better!!), and we had a wonderful lunch in Carluccio's in the Trafford Centre. I was very proud of myself for not eating all my lunch, despite it being yummy. I got invited out to dinner with the family on my way home, and as I wasn't very hungry, I had a starter - which was actually massive! Two rolls of smoked salmon filled with prawns, served with salad and Marie Rose sauce. When I got home, The Boy and I watched 28 Weeks Later, which was brill, so I had a very good day.

Anyway, I'm of to bed now. This making the dinner late lark is working a treat. I'm still having a bit of chocolate after dinner, but then nothing else.
Night night.....

and hola!!

Well, here I am again in lovely old England, not missing the sun and the sea and stuff at all (pah!). Had a fab holiday, lots of lazing by the pool, eating too much cheese and drinking Sangre de Torro (the wine, not ACTUAL bull's blood!). That's me and The Hubby by the way, on the esplanade in Torrevieja. I have to admit to sneaking on the scales upon my return (not immediately, that would be a bit disturbing!!) and I had put on about 3lbs. Not bad for 2 weeks of eating ice cream and crisps and drinking cafe bonbons (espresso with sweetened condensed milk, for goodness sake!), and not moving very much! I used my journal a bit on the first day, as I had a couple of intuitive eating-related thoughts. Here they are, for what they're worth......

Sunday August 12th.
Holidays have food-habits too. The worst of mine is eating for the sake of it. I intend to try and avoid this as much as possible. Not easy. The Hubby had a bag of salted mixed nuts yesterday. I did have some, but I paid attention to eating them, and I THINK I had less than I might otherwise have done.
Making the coffee this morning I wished I had cream in it. Three years ago we went to Fuerteventura, and it was impossible to get fresh milk where we stayed, so we took to having long-life cream in our coffee. That can hardly be an ingrained habit! Just something I fancy. But I LIKE black coffee, and that's a GOOD thing. Cream should be an occasional treat.
So, I started the day with black coffee. I'll wait till I'm hungry for my breakfast, then perhaps I'll be able to decide if I want scrambled egg and smoked salmon or fruit and yoghurt. Can't decide right now.
I HAVE decided however, that I am not going to worry about food on this holiday. And yesterday I also decided that I'm not going to worry about meals and mealtimes either. I will eat when I am hungry and (try) not (to) eat when I'm not. If the others want me to cook them a meal then I will, but I will tell them they must ask. Yesterday (we had an odd, jumbled day because of flying) we had our lunch (Hubby and I) at about half 3. Mine was lovely, goats cheese and another sort, salad, crisps, olives and smoked salmon. I wanted to eat it ALL, but became aware that my stomach was full and getting uncomfortable. So I, sadly, left some. I told myself there was plenty more and I could have some more later. That was OK. Then about half 7 I was hungry again, and I felt I wanted hazelnut ice cream (but would have settled for a different flavour as long as it was quality stuff). I definitely DIDN'T want a cheap ice cream in a wrapper. But I felt quite relaxed about it, and knew I probably wouldn't get any till today. In the end I had (most of) a packet of plain crisps instead. I don't really want ice cream now!
Later.... I had half a peach, half a banana and half a plain yoghurt for my breakfast, then I waited, and was still hungry so had 2 corncakes with peanut butter. Actually I STILL feel hungry, but I don't think I really am. I'm going to have a shower and wash my hair and go to the supermercado for some showergel and some brandy. It's hard not to read the paper while I eat alone (everyone else is still asleep!). I've always read something. I have to keep reminding myself not to.

So how did I do? I think I did better than I usually do on holiday. I didn't have ice cream every day. I drank less than I usually do on holiday - I never bought that brandy, couldn't be bothered to carry the big heavy bottle back from the shop!. I tuned in a bit, and I was more relaxed about eating. I ate when I was hungry (I also ate when I wasn't, on occasion, but what I mean is I wasn't thinking, it's lunch time, I HAVE to have lunch). It's difficult when you are out of synch with everyone else - I was getting up much earlier than my Hubby or The Boy and his friend, so when they were having their breakfast I was starting to think about my lunch. Which often meant I needed 'tea' to keep me going till they were ready for dinner, even though I'd already had breakfast and lunch. But mostly I enjoyed myself and didn't worry about it, which is great, and meant I enjoyed my holiday!

Adios Amigas!

Well, in 11 hours I leave for my holiday. Two weeks in a place called La Mata, near Torrevieja on the Costa Blanca! I'm not going to worry about what I eat on holiday, but I'm also hoping not to eat just for the sake of it - I say that every year!!
Usually, when I go on my summer holiday, I've just spent the previous months dieting to lose weight for the holiday and am planning on going back to the diet when I return, because I haven't lost as much as I wanted to! It'll be interesting to see if this year I can avoid that 'eat as much as possible in the 2 weeks off' mentality.
I'm very much looking forward to buying a kilo of fresh figs for a Euro from the market, to the gorgeous yellow peaches they sold in the supermercado last time we were there, to those lovely knobbly little cucumbers the Spanish have that look like home-grown ones, and to the very cheap brandy!! At least Spanish chocolate isn't worth bothering about!
I've bought 3 new bikinis this year, and I think I look pretty damn hot in them (so does the Hubby!!), as long as I stand very still just so......
So, till I get back, adios. I'll let you know how I get on, and if it's easier or more fun or particularly different being on holiday out of the 'diet loop'!
Tarra a bit!
Ax

What'll it be?

The other morning I had orange juice for the first time in ages! Y'know, when I'm 'on a diet' I don't drink juice at all. Why waste 'Points'/calories on non-alcoholic drinks?! I can have water or black coffee or tea with skimmed milk or diet coke. It must have been several years since I had orange juice. I'm not a really big juice fan or anything, but it was very nice! I only had one glass, a moderately small one. Then a few days later I met The Hubby after work, and really didn't want coffee, it was only a couple of hours since my last break, and I'd had coffee then. Normally I'd have diet coke (I resent what places charge for bottled water, and, well you can't just order a glass of tap water, that'd be really tight!), but that's caffeine too. Then I remembered I could have whatever I wanted! I toyed with the idea of a nice glass of red wine, but it was only 5pm and that seemed a little indecent, so I had a strawberry smoothie. We were going out to eat later, so it kept me full till then. I must try to remember I'm not limited anymore to either calorie free soft drinks/coffee, or alcohol.

What I did today...

....was mostly crawling around in a field!! Actually, it wasn't mostly, I only crawled around in a field for about an hour, but that's long enough!

The sun shone today, how wonderful. Isn't it funny how something as out of our control as the weather can have such a profound effect on our mood. It even changes the way we see ourselves in the mirror doesn't it? You know that stupid, stupid thing that happens, where you look in the mirror and you think you look OK, and then you look again a day, or half a day, or even half an hour, later, and suddenly you look hideous!! You KNOW you haven't changed, physically. Neither has your mirror. You aren't even necessarily wearing different clothes. It's not rational, is it? But it happens. And when the sun shines and you look in the mirror, you look a bit better, because you feel a bit better.

Anyway, after a lovely breakfast of scrambled eggs on gluten-free toast (with butter!) with The Hubby this morning I set off through town (called at the lingerie sale in M&S on the way, and also picked up some lunch) to catch a bus out to a place called Whirlow Hall Farm, which is on the outskirts, and where you can pick your own fruit. I made a £1 donation per punnet and headed off for the fields. I was a bit over-optimistic and paid for 4. I ate my lunch between the raspberry canes, in the sun. After my hour crawling around (never any midgets or willing toddlers around when you need 'em!) looking under bushes, I had 1 (ONE!) punnet of mixed fruit (gooseberries, blackcurrants, strawberries and raspberries). It's a charitable trust so I didn't bother to ask for my money back, they can't help the dreadful weather anyway, and I bought half a dozen eggs as well. It was 3pm when I set off, and the bus back to town (only one an hour on a Sunday) was due at 3.50 so I walked for about half an hour till I got to a place with more buses.

Back home, I set about the fruit with some apples and a nectarine and some sugar, and have just produced the most delicious crumble! I can't remember the last time I had crumble - being 'on a diet' rather precludes things like crumble, unless you are doing WW 'Core' and fancy making it from crushed All Bran - why would anyone ever want to do that?! I made MY topping with polenta, ground almonds and gluten-free plain flour, with real butter, and brown sugar. I think I ate rather too much, and am bemoaning the fact I haven't room for any more. It might be prudent to hide a portion, as The Boy and The Hubby both had 2 helpings at dinner and are likely to finish it off later after I've gone to bed.

First course was spaghetti with 'meatballs'. Sosmix (a dry packet mix you rehydrate with water and then shape as required, for those who don't know it) balls cooked in a sauce made from tinned cherry tomatoes (plum or chopped will do), an onion sauteed in oil, fresh thyme, green beans and sundried tomatoes. No need to fry the sosmix , it cooks like dumplings in the sauce. I had a couple of slices of yesterday's lentil bake with mine instead of spaghetti, because gluten-free pasta is a crime against humanity! We also had salad. I'm feeling a little bit stuffed now!

So, I didn't manage to be so mindful with that meal, it was just too, too delicious! But I did resist having seconds of pudding, which I REALLY wanted, because I was already feeling a bit uncomfortable. No point in being cross with myself, I went out and picked the bloody fruit, and walked miles into the bargain!

Lentil and Cheese Loaf

300g Red Lentils

1 medium onion

2 garlic cloves

2 tsp ground cumin

1 tsp ground cardamom

200g mature cheddar

1 egg, beaten

Oil

Salt and pepper

Rinse the lentils, place in a pan and cover with water. Bring to the boil, lower the heat and cook for about 15 minutes or until soft, adding a little more water if necessary.

Meanwhile, fry the chopped onion and the crushed garlic in the oil in another pan, and add the ground spices, stirring to prevent sticking.

Tip the onions and spices into the lentils, season well with salt and pepper and stir in the grated cheese and beaten egg and mix well.

Line a 2lb loaf tin with greaseproof paper, oil, and pour the lentil mixture in.

Bake at 200º for 30 minutes.

Remove from the oven and allow to cool until set.

Turn out onto a plate and serve sliced.

WHY?!

I'm 42 years old, and I think I've been on one diet or another for about 15 years. I've never been what anyone would describe as 'thin', but on the other hand, I'm not overweight either (not at the moment anyway, though I have been, but only slightly).


I never worried about my weight or size until after I had my second child (he's now nearly 16!), when I did get quite large, for me. It was at that point that I went on my 'first ever proper diet'. I did Rosemary Conley's Hip and Thigh diet, and cooked a lot of things with soya mince and no oils. I was a vegan at the time. I think I've pretty much either been on or 'off' a diet ever since, and we all know that being 'off' a diet is temporary, so you cram as much food enjoyment into that short window of opportunity as you possibly can! I gave up veganism when my son was about 7, so in came a whole host of new and extra things I could eat and feel bad about afterwards. Snickers bars were a favourite for a while! (I don't think I could eat one if you paid me these days!!).


Anyway, I've done Weight Watchers (on at least 3 separate occasions), and am proficient at both the Points and Core plans, and I've tried Slimmer Club UK (calorie counting) and Slimming World (how can a diet where you can eat Smash as a snack ever work?!), the South Beach and the Zone diets, the cabbage soup diet, Slimfast, and an online one called 'Sin and Slim' (!!). I had, until recently, one of the most comprehensive libraries of diet books in existence.


All this time I was nurturing a growing resentment. WHY? Why couldn't I eat normally? Why did I put on a pound a day whenever I came off my latest diet?! Food and all its aspects is one of my greatest pleasures! I love to cook, I love to shop for nice food, I love to read about food, I love to eat it! But I soooo wanted to be slim. The two things seemed totally incompatible. So if I wanted to be slim I would have to forgo my greatest pleasure. If I wanted to indulge that pleasure, I would have to put up with being fat!


Then I realised I was sick of dieting, really, really sick and fed up of it! I don’t need to lose weight for my health. I’m not overweight. It’s just vanity. I’m not stupid, I know I’ll never be skinny, no matter how much I diet. I’ll always have a well-padded bottom. And I don’t want to be skinny, anyway! I just want to be me, and have some fun, and maybe it would make more sense to try to change the way I feel about my body, than to try to change the body itself!


A couple of months ago I read an article in a magazine and saw a mention of Beyond Chocolate. It sparked an interest, so I had a look at the website. I'd never heard of intuitive eating before but what I was reading really struck a chord. I bought the book, and read it through, and I thought, “Yes!! This is what I’ve been groping for. I CAN do this!” And I gave away all my diet books and my Weight Watchers stuff, even the pretty little electronic Points calculator, because I’m never going to need those, ever again! I told everyone I know that I am never going to diet again. Now I feel so much happier and so free. And I HAVEN’T PUT ANY WEIGHT ON!



Sophie and Audrey, the ladies who wrote the Beyond Chocolate book, said that when you stop telling yourself that certain foods are forbidden, you free yourself from their power. YOU become in control. And it’s true! I keep chocolate in the same drawer where I used to hide it before, and mostly I don’t even eat it! Now I know I can have just a little square of proper cheese if I want, instead of extra low fat cream cheese, then if I really want, I’ll have just a little square. I can always have another later. NOT worrying about what I’m going to have for my lunch everyday is so wonderful. I can take something from home, or not. If not, then I can just go to M&S or wherever, and pick up something I fancy, and if that something is pudding, what the hell?!


This blog is going to be about my journey away from 15 years of serial dieting towards a normal, unfettered, relaxed relationship with food. It’s also going to be about my thoughts and feelings along the way. And it’s going to have my recipes in it, because making up recipes is my painting!

Old stuff

Here are some recipes I've pasted in from my Myspace blog (the Spanish style one is new). Apologies to anyone who's strayed here from there and is reading them for the second time.

This cake was effing gorgeous!!

Date, Walnut and Orange Flower Cake

150g brown and white sugar mixed, or just brown
150g butter
150g Glutano mix or flour or polenta
3 eggs
40g bashed walnuts
60g chopped dates
1tsp mixed spice
1tsp baking powder
1 tsp Orange Flower Water or more to taste.

Cream together butter and sugar. Beat together eggs.
Add eggs to butter/sugar, and whisk.
Add flour/polenta, walnuts, dates, spice and baking powder and mix well.
Add Orange Flower water and mix well.
Line 8" tin with greaseproof, and oil or butter.
Pour in mix.
Bake at about 180 for about 30 – 40 minutes. Cover with foil if necessary to prevent the top burning.
Test with a skewer to see if it's done.
Turn out onto a cooling rack, remove the greaseproof, turn the right way up and cool.

Scraping the Bottom of the Tagine

Today (this was originally posted on myspace about a year ago) I made Chickpea and Veg tagine for dinner. One with apricots and almonds for me and one without for the philistines. In proper tagines too. Had it with rice baked in the oven with bits of old sticks and stuff in (spices!). T'was very nice indeed. Followed this with baked peaches with clotted cream, or as the Daughter thought I was offering, baked beans and cottage cheese. Mmm hmm! That would be a pudding to remember. A glass of port finished it off rather nicely....

Another soup (I know this is backwards!).

1. Buy a butternut squash from Aldi for 39p (nb. this will NOT be organic). You may need to do this a few days beforehand, depending on how far Aldi is from your work.
2. Phone your daughter from work at 4pm and tell her to put the oven on, cut the squash into 4, rub it with some olive oil and roast it in the oven for approx 45 mins.
3. Buy some onions and nice bread from M&S (after all, the squash was 39p!).
4. Remember to go straight home from work. Do not go to a bar for cocktails first. IT'S ONLY TUESDAY FOR GOODNESS SAKE!
5. Fry the onions in some olive oil, add a diced big potato (that's a big potato, not big dice) and some floppy bits of veg from the bottom of the fridge.
6. Add about a litre of stock. Cook till the potato is soft.
7. Meanwhile scrape the squash flesh from the skin - your daughter can eat the skin, it's nice.
8. Put the nice M&S bread in the oven to warm up so you can pretend you've made it yourself.
9. Add the squash to the rest of the soup stuff and liquidise it. Put a tea towel over the blender or you will be spending the night in casualty and the rest of 2007 having plastic surgery to your face. Taste it (the soup, not the tea towel) and see if it needs anything, like some marmite, or paprika, or whatever.
10. Serve. If you don't eat bread (like me) and are too disorganised (like me) to have any gluten-free in (because M&S don't sell that!) you can dip slices of cheese in, that's very nice!
11. Follow with an M&S toffee mousse but make your children eat kiwi fruit because you've got 7 as they just keep coming in the organic veg delivery!
Next week - what to do with all those non-ripening Avocados you've collected from your organic veg deliveries!

NB. If you don't have a blender, you can use a potato masher, or so I was told by the colleague I sat next to on the bus home. If you don't have a daughter, you can borrow mine. She will bring her own knife, but will need supervising with gas ovens.

M&S New Potatoes and some Soup.

I bought some Organic New Potoatoes in M&S the other day. They were quite expensive (but cheaper than a Mojito, which is what happens if I go left when I leave work) but they had kindly washed them ready for me to use. Anyway, on (once again) to soup. Because it's easy and I'm lazy.

To make Celeriac and Potato Soup you will need:
1 large Celeriac
A few potatoes (I used 6 small M&S ready washed New Potatoes, you can use dirty common ones if you must)
A medium onion, or 2 small ones, or even a large one, it makes little odds.
Some sort of stock flavouring (cube or powder, unless you're really fussy and want to use real stock, in which case you need to get out more).
Salt and pepper
Some oil (Extra virgin Olive oil is not, obviously, necessary!)
A machete.

Chop the onion, fry it till it's see through in the oil. Meanwhile, imagine that the celeriac is the head of the person you loathe most in the world and run at it with the machete and give it a thorough killing. Chop it into cubes about the size of a cube. There is no other way to get into a celeriac. Add the celeriac cubes and the potato (also cubed - and washed, if you're common) to the onions in the pan. Fry them for a bit then cover them with water. Put the lid on the pan and turn the heat down and cook it all till the celeriac and potatoes are soft. Put the soup in the blender (not all at once, unless you want it on the ceiling - remember the teatowel protection against facial scarring!). Whizz till smooth. Taste the soup and add stuff till it tastes the way you'd like it to taste. I added some salt, some pepper and a smidge of powdered cumin.

Roman Army Bread

This is sooo easy..... The instructions are on the packet, but my way is EVEN easier!Buy a bag of Doves Farm Spelt Flour (that's spelt Spelt). It doesn't have to be Doves Farm, that's just the one I've got. Chuck half of it in a big bowl. Add half a teaspoon of salt. In a jug or somesuch, put 14floz of warm water (that's 400ml for all you under 35's) and add a good squirt/a teaspoon of honey and a little packet of instant yeast. Add 3 tablespoons of olive oil (or other oil if your Daughter has used all the Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil on her supernoodles). I just used a tiny trickle of Olive Oil and some Grapeseed oil. Mix it all for about 1 minute with a wooden spoon. Forget what it says on the packet about 15 minutes vigorous mixing - take it from the laziest cook in the world, it's NOT necessary! Slop the whole lot out onto a greased baking tray, poke it into a vague roundness, and cover it with a (clean) teatowel. Leave it alone for about half an hour. Go and play on the computer. Put it in the oven on 180/370/Gas 4 (not all of them at once, that would be too hot) and bake it for about 30 minutes. Take the teatowel off first, they do burn so! Take it out, put it on a cooling rack and put the cooling rack on the table because there's no point in waiting any longer, now is there? Have it with some soup. I am doing Celeriac and Potato (cos I got a huge Celeriac in my veg delivery this week) and Lentil and Tomato cos The Husband HATES celery so I figured he probably won't like celeriac either. If they turn out OK I'll tell you about them later.This bread is, of course, not gluten-free (no bread worth eating ever is) but it's a bit easier to manage than ordinary wheat bread and worth a little farting if you're not going out!

Mmmm Tofu!

In a big frying pan, heat some olive oil. Fry a leek, sliced, then add a courgette, a pepper, some mushrooms and some baby corn cut into strips. Or whatever, it doesn't really matter – not raw potatoes obviously! Then add some shredded cabbage and some rocket or something. Then mix some soy sauce and some balsamic vinegar with a bit of stock powder and a pinch of ginger and a splash of water, and chuck it over the veg. Cook it for about 6 minutes.
Meanwhile, in another frying pan, heat some more olive oil and fry a block of smoked tofu cut into thinnish slices till it's brown on both sides. Sprinkle it with salt and pepper and lemon juice and serve it on top of the veg. You can have some bread and butter with it if like – hell you can have a bucket of lard with it if you want. But don't.
It takes about 20 minutes from start to finish and it's yummy!

Spanish style supper.

Here's the first recipe.

I really fancied fried potatoes tonight, so I had to nip into M&S, as I knew there weren't any spuds at home. Of course, I had to buy a 3 pack of organic creme fraiche desserts and a big jar of olives and some double cream as well, seeing as I was there and it'd be silly not to, but I managed to resist a new bikini!

Anyway, on the bus on the way home I mentally searched the fridge and found some courgettes and 2 halves of peppers, which, when I got in, were still there in actuality as The Daughter is away and The Hubby and The Boy won't cook a vegetable that doesn't come out of a tin. So, here's what I made:

First I chopped the potatoes (there were 8 middle-sized ones, no reason) into cubes and boiled them till they were done. Then I drained them.

I heated some olive oil in my big stainless steel frying pan (because you shouldn't put tomatoey things in your non-sticks, they take the coating off!) and cooked half a chili in it for a while, quite low. Then I added a small chopped onion and 2 chopped cloves of garlic and whooshed it all around for a bit till the onion was nice and soft. Then I added half a bag of quorn pieces, cos that's what I'd got, but you could add chickpeas, or even chicken, if you must. Then I removed the chili half, and put in the peppers and courgettes, chopped. I added maybe 3 or 4 oily sun dried tomatoes (the tomatoey element of which I spoke), chopped up, and a sprinkle of veg stock powder and about half a tsp of smoky paprika, oh, and a sploosh of water. No idea how much, but not a right lot.

After that I did get the big nonstick frying pan out, and I heated some more olive oil and some butter in it, and chucked in the leaves from a couple of stalks of fresh rosemary, then the drained potatoes, and some sea salt. Then I fried them till they were nice and crispy and brown.

Then I chucked the fried potatoes in the pan with the veg and quorn and mixed it around. Me and The Boy had some rinsed capers and a few of the big fat olives in ours, but I didn't put any in The Hubby's as he is a philistine and doesn't like em! Delicious!